DEADWEIGHT: An autobiographical novel about Borderline Personality Disorder

Did delusions create the demons?
Did demons create the delusions?Nick Crutchley descends into paranoia, hallucinations and delusions in this character portrait of a young adult with Borderline Personality Disorder. After Nick adopts another personality to cope with his shifting reality, his mind fractures. Voices begin to whisper . . .




Preface from the AuthorI wrote Deadweight seven years ago, then buried it. Since then, I have formally been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). After seeing the suffering of others with BPD during therapy, in accounts bravely blogged, and in posts on social media, something within decided to exhume Deadweight. This autobiographical novel is therefore not about me, it’s about you.

Like me, you may have found yourself trapped within anxiety, hallucinations, rapid mood swings, delusions, disassociation, suicidal compulsions or a fragile self-identity. Or, you are locked on the outside, and desperately wish to better understand partners, children and others in your life who suffer BPD or similar disorders. By placing the reader directly inside the soul of my younger self, Deadweight seeks to help sufferers feel less alone, and by evoking empathy in non-sufferers, aid the effort to promote a more compassionate society.
With loving kindness, I wish you well on your journey.

Nick Crutchley





About the AuthorNick has suffered with mental illness for more than thirty years. Though diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, he has gained three degrees, written several science fiction and fantasy novels, and has been a teacher, environmental scientist and goat herder. He has shared the story of his early life to promote awareness and compassion for those suffering from mental illness.