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HeartSnark: A literally light-hearted account of my heart transplant, or Shakespearean strippers, bison meatloaf, and urinal harems! Kindle Edition
Finalist, 2021 Reader's Choice Book Awards, Memoir.
The most hilarious heart transplant memoir you'll read this year! (probably ever)
In late March 2019, high school English teacher Terry Kroenung rode a quick 10 miles on his bike. 10 days later he had an emergency heart transplant. Really. Imagine his surprise.
Based on the irreverent Facebook diary he kept during the ordeal, this memoir recounts his experiences with near-fatal pacemaker implantations, defibrillation scorch marks, 7-hour cardiac ablations, surgical staples, and the up-and-down recovery process. Along the way are 6 pregnant nurses, Canadian axe throwers, alien face-huggers, shopping bags full of exorbitantly-priced drugs, and the most horrifying photo of a dead heart that even the doctors had ever seen.
If he hadn’t gone to the Emergency Room purely to avoid a faculty meeting, somebody else would have written this book. There he was told that despite the 100-mile bike rides and 10K races, he had heart failure. Again, imagine his surprise (and epic denial).
What followed was a confusing frenzy of tests: treadmill stress, VO2 stress, enough blood samples to fill a tanker truck, and 3 radiation tests to finally get a reading, which, naturally, turned out to be wrong. But at least after that last one, he didn’t need a nightlight anymore.
To keep himself -- and his shell-shocked wife, family, and friends -- from dwelling on the
life-or-death enormity of it all, he used Facebook to keep a running diary of everything that happened, no matter how trivial or absurd. His snarky, pun-strewn and geeky commentary on events, as well as more dubiously-termed ‘wit’ that he added after the fact (essentially playing Mystery Science Theatre with himself), make up the book that you’re somehow still reading about.
A portion of the proceeds of this book will go to benefit Donor Alliance and their life-saving work increasing the supply of transplant organs.
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateSeptember 12, 2019
- Reading age13 - 18 years
- Grade level8 - 12
- File size15581 KB
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From the Author
Product details
- ASIN : B07XNG6KDS
- Publisher : (September 12, 2019)
- Publication date : September 12, 2019
- Language : English
- File size : 15581 KB
- Simultaneous device usage : Unlimited
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Sticky notes : On Kindle Scribe
- Print length : 399 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,920,024 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #517 in Cardiology (Kindle Store)
- #1,379 in Doctors & Medicine Humor
- #1,953 in Cardiovascular Diseases (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
After having been an Army infantry officer leaping out of perfectly-functioning aircraft, a teacher of Crips & Bloods on a wagon train, and Chuck E. Cheese, adding 'author' to the list is almost anti-climactic. Yet here we are.
A native of dead-flat Illinois and now a permanent fixture in the Rocky Mountains (there's some culture-shock for you), I write mostly fantasy and sci-fi, despite making my high school English students scribble non-fiction essays until their brains bleed. Do as I say, not as I do.
Sitting alone in my library writing is about as splendid an activity as someone with Asperger Syndrome could wish. My beloved and long-suffering wife gets stuck in the living room with the basset hound more often than she'd wish, but at least the TV talks to her more than I do.
BRIMSTONE AND LILY, JASPER'S FOUL TONGUE, and JASPER'S MAGICK CORSET are the first 3 books in my Legacy Stone series. They are snarky seriocomic YA takes on traditional quest-lit. The idea started as 'swords-and-sorcery Huck Finn' and took off from there. They include a mind-bogglingly bizarre collection of things: shape-shifting swords, Civil War battles, magic cannonballs, combat pelicans, Captain Nemo's sub, kindly Arab terrorists, swimming trees, cyclopean ogres, zombies, lady ninjas, and poop monsters. BRIMSTONE AND LILY won the Bronze Medal in Sci-Fi/Fantasy at the 2010 Independent Publishers Book Awards.
I began as a playwright (have to make use of that theatre degree somehow), so I also have several books of plays out there. They've been produced in the U.S. and Europe. Nearly all of them are history-based: American Civil War, 17th century France, and 19th century American west. I cleverly managed to put a fight scene into every one of them.
My present addiction is Steampunk, both as author and performer. I teach Bartitsu (Sherlock Holmes' martial art, an actual Victorian discipline) at conventions. PARAGON OF THE ECCENTRIC, my prequel to Wells' WAR OF THE WORLDS, won the 2013 Colorado Gold writing contest and is finally available on Amazon.
I do write stories. In fact, "The Day the Earth Couldn't Stand Still," about Broadway musical-loving nanobots in the President's brain, won the Colorado Short Story Contest.
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If you're facing a transplant event, or know someone who is, this may help break up the gloom and doom contemplation. If you're just curious about life as a transplant patient -- this is actually a good insight.
But, if you're so far gone that "snark" is not your thing, then ... I'm sorry. You may be already dead.